Paternity likely not in the cards

I've never before broached this subject on this blog. Nonetheless, I've always had a strong and consistent position on the matter. I don't have even a marginal interest in ever fathering children.

In past conversations with family members and friends on this issue, I've been told that many people who are opposed to the idea of having children as young adults tend to become more receptive to the notion as they grow older. Perhaps that's true, but I'm unconvinced it will be the case for me. I realize this may limit my prospects for finding a future spouse, since many women do desire to have children at some point in their lives. I find this deeply regrettable, but I can't compromise my personal opinion on that basis alone. After all, differing perspectives on the possibility of parenthood isn't necessarily a deal-breaker for marriage.

There are several reasons why I don't understand the appeal of having children. I do realize the joy and fulfillment that it can bring — but from my point of view, this is far outweighed by the indescribably enormous responsibility, stress, and loss of freedom that it entails. I've observed an increasing number of people my age who have had a baby and abruptly given up their youth — some of the best years of their lives, and years that will never return. Suddenly, going out for drinks, dinner, or a movie becomes an ordeal because they can't find a babysitter. The ability to travel is greatly limited. Spontaneous activity becomes almost impossible. Twenty- and thirty-somethings who once loved to spend time with friends outside of work suddenly need to go straight home to watch their kids. They're the ones who often barely made ends meet before parenthood; add children to the equation, and it'll be years before they have any money saved.

Yes, children are a massive financial commitment. But they're an equally huge commitment of time and emotion. The notion of fathering a child fills me with anxiety — anxiety over the reality that I'd be responsible for the very survival and development of another human being for at least the next two decades of my life. The responsibility of parenting a child is unlike any other; it isn't simply a job you take care of, move on and forget about. It's a job in which you spend every waking hour worrying about every facet of your son's or daughter's life. And in the current state of this world, I'd have serious reservations about bringing another person into it. What kind of conditions will he or she face as an adult? The thought sometimes makes me shutter. Some might call me a pessimist for this reason; I'd prefer to describe myself as a realist.

Some might also read this and conclude two other things: 1) that I'm selfish; and 2) that I'm ignorantly and inaccurately painting parenthood in a purely negative light. On the first point, I'd argue the opposite: It's selfish to bear children and then decide that you don't want the responsibility, stress, or loss of freedom. Making that determination ahead of time is simply a smart choice. On the second point, I'll again concede that parenthood can be a joyful and rewarding experience. In fact, I'm convinced it is — otherwise, no one would choose to raise children. What might be perceived as a negative tone is simply the point of view of someone who has always viewed parenthood with deep reluctance. Nevertheless, I'm not so confident in my own intellect as to presume that I'll never change my tone on this matter. It isn't likely — but I've learned that when I try to shut doors on possibilities for myself, life sometimes has a way of forcing them open. I will find out.